Blog - Sonya Kim: Now and Forever Celebrancy Services

1 November 20241 November 2024

Marriage advice from a divorce lawyer

This week I listened to this podcast (this link has an 8 minute highlight reel of The Diary of a CEO interview with James Sexton). Even though it was over 2 hours long, I had to listen in one go as it was compelling stuff. The biggest take-away for me is the advice to ‘pay attention to you, me and the we’. New York divorce lawyer, James Sexton thought couples divorce because they don’t do this well enough. It is losing interest in your partner, not being true to your own needs or focusing too much on the children. It is not caring enough about the two of you as a unit. It’s of course, easier said than done, but loving and respectful relationships are very well worth it. This simple advice might just help us stay on track.

As a celebrant and relationship coach, I love discussing advice like this with you. I would love to work with you to help find out, continue or create rituals that work for you. I draw on the work of reputable professionals like The Gottman Institute and wonderful resources like from The School of Life to supplement my training in mindful relationships. You can work with me in the lead up to your wedding and afterwards to help you stay strong in marriage. I tailor it to what suits you and it often involves yoga, meditation and playful games to explore and extend your curiosity about yourself and one another. Please let me know if you’d like to find out more.

6 July 20236 July 2023

A healthy detox that won’t leave you hungry

Photo by Kawin Harasai on Unsplash

Many couples start a diet before the big day so that they look fantastic in their dress and suit. But many starve themselves of nourishment and become cranky which is not the ideal preparation for the wedding.

What if there was a way to cleanse your system, lose weight and feel great, without getting ‘hangry’ and snappy at everyone?

My yoga training was based on the macrobiotic diet. Simply put, it’s centred on wholefoods like brown rice, vegetables, beans, fruit, seaweed, lean meat and dairy food that is not processed or altered in any way like skim milk. In this diet, we minimise foods that Michael Pollan said your great-great grandmother wouldn’t recognise as food.

So it’s not a radical way to eat, just a healthier way and it’s easy to do because essentially it’s about getting more veg and wholegrains on your plate so you get the nutrition and energy you need for all the decisions you have to make about the wedding and honeymoon.

Here are a few simple brown rice recipes to try tonight. Let me know how you feel afterwards!

8 June 20238 June 2023

Can marriage education be fun?

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

When you hear about pre-marital education courses, especially the ones run by pastors or counsellors, fun is not the first word that comes to mind, is it? Uncomfortable, awkward, serious or boring might be what you’re thinking. But these courses are valuable because it’s time together to discuss the big questions as a couple and potentially a family.

When you have a civil ceremony rather than a religious one, there is no obligation of marriage education or counselling but it’s definitely recommended. Just like your ceremony, it can be done ‘your way’ – over pizza and beer, on a weekend drive or over a series of date nights. What is important is the space you create and time you invest in having honest and real conversations about your expectations, values, management of finances and kids.

I’m a believer in making marriage education fun. I have tools that will help you ease into the big topics and can support you to communicate them to each other. I have quizzes, games, mindfulness sessions and of course yoga resources too. You already know each other well so it’ll be easy to get on the same page about what’s important to you and your partner. Investing time for your relationship is a very important part of the wedding preparation that can get way down the list. But it may be the key to having a great marriage together for a lifetime and not just a fantastic wedding day.

If you’re interested in exploring how you can do some fun marriage prep with me, just reach out to me.

26 May 20238 June 2023

Winter warmer with a difference

Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash

Are you feeling the cold? I hope you’re nourishing yourself with soup, rest and snuggles. But do you want a new and fun way to keep warm this winter? And build the bond with your partner through well-earned sweat and tears of laughter?

Try couples yoga!

It’s more than working out together which you might already be doing. It’s working together to deepen your own posture and supporting your partner to get to their ‘sweet spot’ in terms of stretch.

Even if you have a huge height difference there are ways you can lean in and be a pillar of support for each other. It’ll challenge you, make you laugh and give cause to admire and respect one another. Believe me, yoga can make you sweat, working the much-neglected muscles in your body and stretching your mind in subtle yet huge ways.

Get it touch with me now to try a taster on Zoom: sonya.j.kim@gmail.com

9 July 20218 June 2023

Self care your way

Photo by Artem Kovalev on Unsplash

What does self care mean to you? It is different for everyone. It’s what you do to look after yourself knowing what works for you or trying something to see if it enhances your physical, mental, emotional or wellbeing.

It may be something you do by yourself or with a friend or family member but you do it for yourself, not for someone else.

Meditation may be one in your toolkit. I like doing it on my own but also in groups, sometimes led by someone, just focusing on breath or incorporating yoga and movement.

Yoga is another great way to feel more relaxed or to re-energise. You can easily do it at home by yourself or with your dog but it’s also great fun to do it in a group with others.

Whatever you choose, it’s like that sporting adage, ‘just do it’. Because there’s literally nothing more important than you looking out for you. Especially mamas and other carers who often prioritise others’ needs ahead of ours. You‘ve got to put your oxygen mask on first. You’ve got to fill your cup because you can’t pour from an empty cup. Here’s another from Katie Reed: ‘Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.’

9 July 20218 June 2023

Be playful

Photo by Robert Collins on Unsplash

As parents of wee ones know well, date nights can be very hard to come by. Hubby and I have not yet managed to go out on an evening without Bub but we do try to watch a movie at home together whenever we can. It’s an important time to chill out, have a laugh and chat about anything, especially about non-Bub related stuff, even if that seems really hard.

I’ve long been following the offerings by The School of Life . Recently I’ve come across a card game for couples called Connect. You take turns to roll the die to see what colour card to pick from and you discuss the question or statement on the card, such as ‘What I really admire about you is…’ or ’If I had known you in childhood, I might have loved to…’

It might be something you do like ‘Have a small kiss; make it last five seconds’. It may seem silly to play a game like this but playfulness is key to sustaining good relationships and curiosity about each other is also critical.

You might have to think hard about your answers and you could be surprised by your partner’s answers. You’ll probably feel really good by the end of the game. It may lead to more conversations and in my book that’s a wonderful outcome.

9 July 20218 June 2023

Barefoot date nights

Photo by Ksenia Gord on Unsplash

We know that wellbeing can mean good physical health, a sound mind, self esteem and having a social life. Financial wellbeing is also important as it affects your sense of security, hope for the future and what you can afford including holidays.

Along with most of Australia, I‘m a big fan of The Barefoot Investor. His weekly emails make me laugh and also teach me cautionary tales based on what’s happened or happening with real people who have money trouble. I have gifted his books to many friends and two have become debt-free in a very short time as a result!

Scott Pape’s simple but effective advice, to get couples to have a date night to talk about money, the number one thing couples argue about, is gold.

Taboo around money and the mindset we developed from a young age about money can be difficult to overcome but it’s essential to understand because it holds the key to financial freedom and happy marriage.

9 July 20218 June 2023

Home

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

I was in beautiful Byron Bay earlier in the year (when we could travel) I thought about the airport being a place where we all think about ‘coming home’ and what that means for us all.

The last scene in the movie ‘Love Actually’ captures it really well. I had a truly wonderful time away from home but of course I had Bub, a big part of my home, with me and I was missing Hubby who is my home.

Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh explains that in the Vietnamese language the wife refers to her husband as her home and vice versa. It’s very sweet and it seems to confirm that old adage that ‘home is where the heart is’.

Elvis Presley knew it too when he sang ’Home is where the heart is’:

For home is where the heart is

And my heart is anywhere you are

Anywhere you are is home

Home, home, home, home

Why not have some fun with it and tell your partner, ‘welcome home Home’ or ‘I love you, my Home’ as you impersonate Elvis – lips, hips and all.

9 July 20218 June 2023

Through thick and thin

Photo by ali elliott on Unsplash

It’s tough being in relationship with someone, even if it’s the one you love. Inevitably there will be ups and downs in life and this is why the marriage vows emphasise being there for each other in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer.

In a relationship workshop I attended with my now Hubby early on, the first teaching was that we are not perfect and so we should not expect perfection from each other. It set us up well! The book that encapsulates this concept poetically is ‘Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships’ by John Welwood.

The Hakomi HEART training is focused on mindfulness and compassion for yourself and your partner. I trained in HEART and I include what I learned in my Celebrancy⁺ packages to help couples find an even deeper emotional understanding of themselves and each other in marriage.

9 July 20218 June 2023

Know your love language

Photo by Hannah Wright on Unsplash

As you plan your wedding, try a love language quiz together. The 5 love languages are the ways we give and receive love, which are easy to remember as the 5 Ts: (physical) Touch, Talk (words of affirmation), Token (gifts), (quality) Time and Task (acts of service).

You may already have a good idea of yours and your partner’s love languages or you may be surprised to find out. Either way, it’s another way to be on the same page in terms of concepts and to get to understand each other better. I include the questionnaire in my Celebrancy Plus⁺ package so that you don’t only take time together to decide on the cake for the wedding but know if cake is part of the love language in the marriage. Interested? Reach out to me and find out more.